A Dark Beauty, A Gentle Way
by Calico Yorki
Summary: On a rainy night, Vira meets a fellow of apalling perversion and a beating heart of gold. Things get kinda crazy from there. Centrally, it's about a girl who thought she was a "hideous monster" finding a family of "hideous monsters" to belong in. So yeah.
1. Chapter One: Vira's Horror, Picture Show

It was a dark, stormy night -- As is fitting for the tale about to be told. The rain pelted down on the fringes of the Haunted Woods, creating a constant rustling. Due to the downpour, a certain Neopet girl, known for her evil, was in a bit of a difficult situation...

Vira gave a dark sneer, glaring out at the rain. On any other night, it would be no problem for her to fly to one of the caves on the mountains at the far west of the Haunted Woods -- However, she had seen numerous flashes of lightning, and the booming thunder would not be ignored. Only an _idiot_ would fly in this godforsaken storm...

**Ka-THOOOOOM!!**

Just as that thought crossed her mind, Vira looked up at the stormy sky. Some kind of smoking shape, vaguely resembling a large Scorchio, had fallen from the sky and was hurtling to earth -- In the general direction of Neopia Central. This caused Vira to snicker loudly: What a _sight_! While she normally despised morons, she _loved_ when they provided fine entertainment.

However, Vira's chuckles were abruptly stopped as she felt a presence behind her. Giving a hiss, she spun around -- But all fighting spirit left her upon seeing what awaited: Some kind of titanic 'Pet, with a broad stomach, muscled arms, thin legs and, most noticeably, thick, roundframed spectacles as well as a huge afro haircut. Vira was about to attempt flight by flying, but the massive individual before her suddenly spoke in a quiet, slightly airy voice.

"Misses Vira. I would ask that you accompany me to my older brother's estate. He wishes that you would not have to spend this night alone in the rain -- He would also like you to be informed that the storm will not begin letting up until tomorrow evening." With that, the afro'd mountain shifted aside, holding out a tree-trunk arm to his side in a gesture for the demonic acara girl to pass him. Vira was a bit reluctant at first, but the intriguing promise of somewhere out of the rain to stay got the better of her.

Cautiously watching the huge Neopet, who she could now see was a kougra, Vira started walking.

...

After a few minutes of walking, Vira began to notice strange, blocky shapes around, bound by tree roots or just laying in pieces. Noting that the huge kougra had been directing their path slowly southeast, Vira surmised that they were nearing the border of the Haunted Woods and Meridell. That _would_ explain the fortress ruins abound...

Soon, they reached their apparent destination: A significantly intact part of the ruins that were apparently rebuilt around a massive tree. Vira was lead inside, and was shocked at the sight that met her: A huge party hall, complete with numerous tables and bars and with apparent upper floors (Making it more of a...Party _Tower_), and a large stage built around the base of the tree, complete with entraces and exits to the left and right and an enclosed back portion.

Suddenly, soon after Vira entered, the lights dimmed and the crowed quieted down, as a terrifyingly ominous figure began to walk across the stage with his microphone and stand. A low, dance-worthy tune began to play, and the shadowy figure half-spoke, half-sang in a succulent voice: "So you came in, you came in from the niiight/And, girl you knew that somethin' wasn't riii-iiight. Well girlie, you hit the nail on the head -- Oh! Tonight, well tonight, you'll see the best of what you dreee-eeead -- Ah!"

Finally, the door slammed shut behind Vira and the lights became bright again -- Showing the Neopet on the stage in all his perverse glory: A white kougra with dark blue stripes and a large dark blue afro, wearing a golden and ruby crown, tight leather pants, metal-plated boots, and a skimpy leather harness connected to a royal purple cape that had a midnight blue lining. As he was miraculously joined onstage by six female, scantily-costumed kougras -- A mummy, a vampire, a phantom, a devil, a witch, and a Frankenstein's monster -- The song, the dancing, and the _horror_ all continued without pause.

_Babe, I thank you for kindly heeding my caaall_

_But I bet'cha couldn't predict this situation at aaall -- Oh!_

_As your breath turns shallow n' cold, your body starts to quiver_

_Your poor little heart's been PIERCED, by an icy sliiiverrr -- Ah! _

_But heed my words, baby, I swear on my crowwwn_

_There awaits an awful fate, for those unwillin' to get dowwwn -- Heh-hee! _

_For if you don't dance, don't face your fears_

_You'll be forced to face the funk of four-thousand yeeeeearrrs!! OOO-OHHH!!_

All this time, the female backup dancers had been at war with the lead showman in an attempt to determine who could perform a more perverted version of the dance -- But finally, the song ended, with the kougra at front making an absolute spectacle by biting clean through the microphone stand he held. As the perverted king stepped down from the stage -- Showing he was at least the same height as the kougra that had lead Vira to the Party Tower -- He slowly approached his guest. Vira stared, slackjawed.

She was screaming inside of her head, _I'm conflicted between disgust and fear! I want to throw up, but I also want to scream! But I don't want to go back out into that storm, with it getting colder like it was!! I don't know WHAT I want!!_ Finally, the kougra in leather pants and his backup dancers stood before Vira. She tried to will her mouth to close, afraid of what foreign objects this disgusting monster of a Neopet might wish to insert, but her jaw went right slack again as she saw what he and the backup dancers did next.

Each and every one of the backup dancers, as well as their kinkalicious king, went down on one knee, right hand folded over the sternum. With that, Duke Perv suddenly spoke in a reserved, dignified voice. "I, Salvadore, Rey de Concubinas Lascivos, give my sincere thanks. I am blessed to have a beautiful lady such as you grace this most humble tower of love." Salvadore gently took Vira's hand and laid a delicate kiss on the back of her ring finger. Meanwhile, Vira's jaw continually grew slacker.

What the hell was going on here!?

If her knowledge of the Spanish language was to be trusted, did he just call himself "King of Lewd Concubines"!?

_And how the hell was this "humble"!!?_


	2. Chapter Two: The Dancers Said Nothing?

After Vira had recovered from her freakout, (Not to mention after the overturned tables had been set back up, the drinks and food had been cleaned up from the floor, and a few unlucky folks had been treated for scratches and bites), Salvadore and his backup dancers had taken her up to the top of the 'Tower of Love' via a large elevator hidden behind his stage. They were inside of some kind of tiny little diner separated into two cramped stories, with Salvadore and Vira up top and his backup dancers sitting below chatting. From nowhere, a Halloween Zafara with a noticeable crack on his left temple had shortly before brought them their food with a bow; the food which Salvadore was currently going over.

"...So here, we have our special mussels and fish gratin with a delicately browned crust and a _simply decadent _cream, a Baeckeoffe which was brought in a magically-protected carriage from Brightvale just this morning, and our 'expanded escargot platter', including giant white snails and Tyrannian nautili," he said. Vira looked at the food laid out before her – The food was all freshly prepared, and placed neatly on engraved silver platters. The plates certainly gave off quite an enticing aroma – Vira was only just realizing how _long_ she had gone without eating as the perfume of fine cooking wafted around her nostrils, massaging her sense of smell. Being unwelcome wheresoever she went wasn't very satisfying to the stomach at all – And as if in agreement with this thought, Vira's stomach suddenly gave a light, but still audible growl.

Giving a twitch and a scowl, Vira looked up to Salvadore with such venom that it would surely kill _at least_ a small petpet. However, the target of her severe irritation was too busy sucking snails out of their shells in a very noisy, undignified form to notice. Sighing, Vira decided to try the Baeckeoffe. Taking a small dish of the stuff, she tried a bite. Vira chewed methodically, savoring the taste.

Admittedly, it was _very _good – Especially since Vira hadn't eaten for quite some time, and the last time she had eaten anything, it had been the usual disgusting, apalling, and in Vira's case, _rebellious_ Haunted Woods fare. Not the finest of dining by _any_ stretch of the imagination – At least, not to any sane person. Which probably explained why it was Haunted Woods food, considering the place was an absolute lunatic _hole_...

As she was eating and contemplating capricious fate's cruelty in leaving her only places of refuge in such locations as a cold, isolated mountain cave and a curséd pit of outcasts that a few notably foulmouthed, but _entirely_ correct pirates referred to as 'Old Roger's Asshole' (Don't worry, Vira fans! We'll see some of that in time), Vira noticed that, somehow, a third party had joined her and Salvadore without being noticed.

Now _Salvadore _not noticing, _that_ was understandable; but Vira had long since learned to stay aware of her surroundings at all times, and she had never heard any steps on the nearby staircase. Turning slightly so as to view this most stealthy individual of dining accompaniment, Vira was surprised to find that she recognized the neat, azure blue fur, calm indigo eyes giving her a serene look, and modest hood and dress.

Vira blinked, asking, "Um…What brings…You…Here…?" Inside of her head, Vira hissed in anger; that insane kink _Salvadore_ had thrown her completely out of her element ever since she met him! She glared at the pervert in question again, only to see with wrathful eyes that he was using his disturbingly long, apparently prehensile tongue to try and scour the inside of his current shell; once more completely and utterly ignoring Vira's attempts to show him her intense dislike for his entire being. Glaring at him for a few moments, Vira turned back and looked at the silent woman next to her.

The Zafara Double Agent quietly took a bite from her bowl of gratin, chewing with a behaved, rather elegant composure – In quite the contrast to Salvadore, who had taken up his own bowl of gratin and was proceeding to savagely attack it with his utensils. However, the blue Zafara soon finished her bite and gave the query a reply, saying softly to Vira, "There are several factors that leave Salvadore's merry band of hedonists, criminals and general delinquents disconnected from the world outside of this small portion of the Haunted Woods. My job is to find valuable information and relay it to Salvadore for his purposes. Other than that, we've been…Well, I suppose 'friends' _would_ be accurate enough, in this case. We've been friends for a pretty long time, and he pays generously for my information." With that, she slipped back into silence and took another refined bite of gratin.

This caused Vira to nod in understanding – Understanding of many, _many_ things. In truth, Vira had been having a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she had heard of this 'Rey del Concubinas Lascivos' before, with his dark blue afro, regressive leather outfit and flash, attention whorish-tendencies. Hearing this business about 'hedonists, criminals and general delinquents' made it rather clear as to _how_ she had heard of him before…Out of the corner of her eye, Vira noticed the Zafara beside her offering some kind of rolled-up paper.

The Double Agent said, "I think you've caught on by now. This is only to clarify your suspicions." A bit disturbed about how she had so easily been read, Vira nonetheless took the paper and unrolled it. What she saw indeed cemented how she had felt before – And then crushed that assuredness as the full picture revealed itself. What Vira held in her hands was a wanted poster; the text below a picture of Salvadore's mad grin was as follows:

**WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE!**

**Salvadore, Going By The Nickname**

"**REY DEL CONCUBINAS LASCIVOS!"**

**Crimes Include The Corruption Of Government Officials,**

**Stealing Money And Valuables On A Massive Scale, And**

**Assisting The Revolutionary Army!**

**WARNING: This Man Has Gone Toe-To-Toe With Judge Hog And Won!**

**Despite His Eccentric Nature, He Is To Be Regarded **

**WITH EXTREME CAUTION!**

**Bounty: 60,000,000 Neopoints!**

After reading it over several times and deciding that the massive bounty wasn't a trick of her eyes, Vira looked to Salvadore with a mixture of shock, fear, and admiration; this man was so dangerous a criminal, he warranted a bounty of _sixty-million!_ And the Revolutionary Army…! Suddenly, Salvadore noticed Vira's gaze locked on him; right as he was in the middle of picking his teeth with a steak knife. The large, afro'd Kougra sneered, speaking in an incensed tone.

"What? We haven't been able to steal any toothpick shipments in a while."


End file.
